TOP TEN: Best and worst webcomics

So, I'm a douche and I totally published this when I meant to save it as a draft. This is not the first time I have done such things. As a lit major and a self-proclaimed reasonable man, I have to actually read my blog after I write entries. I feel that I need to apologize to whoever read this post beforehand. I am the fool. And not the fool as in the devil.

Continuing my slouch towards the Bethlehem known as New Year's Day 2009, I have two new top tens:

TOP TEN BEST WEBCOMICS
10. Dinosaur Comics
There is something incredibly fascinating about a comic that has the same number of panels, the same characters in the same positions (a T-Rex, Velociraptor, and sometimes other dino guest stars), but a new, highly deep and highly ridiculous conversation every other day. It's a wonderful satire on douchebag-philosophy at large.
9. Garfield Minus Garfield
I got the first collection for my aunt for the festival of Christmas. Like Dinosaur Comics, it takes an insanely simple routine (this time, removing Garfield from his own comic strip) and somehow it becomes epic and often poignant in its small, small scope.
8. Dr. McNinja
An Irish ninja that is also a doctor. The concept would last only five minutes were it not for some very witty dialogue and a consistent blend of storytelling and gag strip. The crazy, creative stuff that the author comes up with works perfectly within the context of his world.
7. Order of the Stick
This comic based on D&D is dedicated almost entirely to detail. The jokes, character development, and arcs fly by so fast, you barely notice that the entire backbone of the strip is glued together by mindboggling attention to the pre-existing pantheon of D&D rules and regulations. Talk about outlining.
6. Pray for Death
I know, I know: Nick Doan is in Lefty Films. Bias, right? P4D was, for a rudimentary crime drama, extremely well plotted. It wasn't anything NEW (to an extent), but it was a very tight ship from start to finish. It never dragged. It knew what it was.
5. Alien Loves Predator
Another strip that mixes gag humor with storylines. "Toy comics" come and go, but the capitalization of the two enemies of movie lore, the Alien and the Predator, and putting them as roommates in New York? Priceless. The jokes actually work, and are set-up rather well.
4. The Night Owls
Think of it as The Thin Man meets The X-Files. It skirts on the edges of both not taking itself seriously, and taking itself too seriously, and it's never fallen. It feels like a mature Archie, something suitable for everyone in a day and age where we feel the need to rape Thomas Wayne's corpse for sales.
3. Shortpacked!
David Willis knows he's a huge frakking nerd, and he has no problem accurately mocking the fanbases that he is a part of. He doesn't just go after the obvious stuff, he goes after the closet bigots, the assholes, and the people that think it's a travesty if Fox actually has a reason to want to shut down Watchmen. Oh, and he sets up storylines years in advance, waiting until his audience is fully distracted with humor before pouncing. He's also the only webcomic ever to make John Solomon apologize for a review.
2. xkcd
Stick figures spouting out nerd humor, and not just any nerd humor - really, really smart or nerdy stuff. But it's always very complicated and always very clever. It makes me feel like I'm part of the joke even when I don't understand the math or science. Or, in other words: this is why.
1. Tip Me Over Pour Me Out
Just another strip about a guy complaining about his life. Yes, more bias, you say, as it is written by my friend and drawn by my other friend. But the ideas trapped inside the strip are rather brilliant, and the no-holds barred narrative of a self-proclaimed Fake Depressed Guy are worth checking out. It tells us as much about our own personal hang-ups as it does about society in general.

TOP TEN WORST WEBCOMICS
10. Penny Arcade
I know that it's the belle of the ball, but I have no need to read a comic where the writer misuses the very simple concept of trading out everyday words for Big Ones. It's just like pain medication, it will not kill you in small doses. I guess I also dislike how you are forced to read the ramblings of both authors before you can even get to the comic itself. It's no longer about the audience, it's about them.
9. College Roomies From Hell!!!
Every character talks like every other character. There is literally no way to tell them apart besides how they are drawn. It's kind of hard to differentiate between the shy one, the rebel, the other rebel, the ditz, and the geek when they all can revert to one single mode whenever the author wants. Oh, and nothing ever happens. Ever. The storyarcs are all fancy and shizz, but at the end of the day, it's just a big episode of Smallville.
8. PvP
Besides the fact that Scott Kurtz has made it his personal quest to destroy Zuda, he just doesn't TRY. He doesn't write his own comic. Well, he writes it, but you get the idea. He rests on his "laurels" (and now his Eisner) and doesn't do anything new, while at the same time denouncing everything - you know what? Scott Kurtz is Robert McKee. I just made that connection. Dear God.
7. Waspi Square
Sorry, somebody had to say that they just didn't like it. I know it's supposed to be one of the Good Guys, one of the Blank Label Comic boys, and they are normally all A-list.... but this was.... what? It feels like two entirely different stories at times. And they say Lost is just trying to be weird.
6. Clan of the Cats
This is a furry comic that doesn't know it is a furry comic. Yes, it's got animal-people because it is primarily about lycanthropy, but look closer. Half the cast are now house cats, most of the shots of the main character being naked are closely tied to her Werepatherism in some way, and the few human characters feel like cardboard stand-ins. I mean, did the author wake up one morning and go "and now I need an angry dad character"?
5. Press Start to Play
I dislike Penny Arcade with a passion, so it only makes sense to dislike its rip-off with a passion. There is nothing original here, and that was even more apparent when the comic was just starting up and it was website-for-website in the likeness of Penny Arcade. Oh, gamer comics.
4. Cheshire Crossing
If you don't have the means to make your comic, then don't. That seems to be the main concept that Cheshire Crossing just flew past. It desperately WANTS better art, but for some reason, was birthed with what it's got - cut and paste heads and MS Paint bodies. This would be somewhat okay if the writing were decent. It's not.
3. Questionable Content
The punchlines are not shocking, even though they try to pull off shock humor. Sometimes they go too far, sometimes they don't go far enough, and sometimes it's just not funny where they went.
2. Ctrl+Alt+Del
Mixing only the best of Penny Arcade (only upping it to 11) and Cheshire Crossing, Timothy Buckley's stereotypical gamer comic , CAD, decided to go and do an arc about miscarriage earlier this year. Apparently, it's based on a true story. It's really sad that the art for CAD is so stale, because Buckley is a rather good artist. He just doesn't know how to properly mix drama and comedy, always resorting in the fourth panel to a trivial joke that completely invalidates the first three. Scott Kurtz hates Tim Buckley.
1. Shredded Moose
Much too NSFW and horrible for linking. It's really a pity that people such as the author of this comic - disgusting, bigoted, sexist, anti-semetic people - have the capability to use something as complex as a computer. Don't ask me how I found it. Really, don't. Okay, John Solomon was involved.

No, Girl Genius and High Moon are not on the list. Both are good comics, but both have problems too big to ignore. Mainly, I just feel like stuff happens way too unevenly, first real slow and then real fast. The pacing on both comics is off.
So sue me.

Tomorrow, I'll probably post my top ten best and worst comics of 2008.
I'm not sure I've read that many, though.

What I will do is post my thoughts on The Dark Knight. I recently rewatched it and I have to say.... I thought it was just decent. Obviously, this is a very dangerous opinion to have. I may be going to San Diego until after New Years, so who knows if I'll post again before January.
That would be wacky.