More and more, starting out steady and then flooding in like a bursting dam, I hear people comparing Avatar to Pocahontas. I hear this almost on a daily basis now.
This concerns me. Tons.
I know that they mean the Disney version of Pocahontas when they make the comparison. Both are animated. Both are love stories - or rather, one has a love story in it. Both are about a white guy that saves some natives from other white guys. But that's just it: they mean the Disney version.
The Disney version is, at best, one of the most ridiculous tales about colonial relations with Native Americans since Columbus Day. If anyone were to do some actual research into the matter, they would find a spotty history told exclusively from Smith's point of view and a ten-year old Pocahontas that barely knew the man. Now, depending on what literature you read on the matter - and especially for the Disney film - this would make John Smith a pedophile. What makes things worse is that some idiot at Disney thought that nobody would pick up on the fact that they are basically selling pedophilia to children, right in front of their parents; statistically, some of which who actually knew the convoluted "true" story of Pocahontas.
The fact that Disney has this much authority over what we think bothers me. It is essentially retconning both culture and history.
I'm not even going to get into the fact that Avatar doesn't even resemble the plot of Disney's version. That's besides the point.
I think Avatar is just a rip-off of Schindler's List, to be honest.
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
War on Christmas
I come from a Catholic family, so of course we celebrate Christmas. For me, especially this year, it's been harder and harder to actually "feel" the season. It's most likely because I'm older, but this happens all over. Why is Christmas celebrated the most out of all of the religious holidays? Of course, since it is celebrated the most by non-religious folk, that's why there's a War on it. It also doesn't help that Christ is in there, but it's not really pronounced in the word as a whole. I have always thought of Christmas and New Years as intertwined, just a bash to celebrate the end of the entire prior mini-era.
My plan to spend under $20 this season (at the Dollar Store) didn't work.
I think I'm going to edit the STD site for the New Year. Nick's brother, Ray, is going to take a crack at editing the remaining stuff.
My plan to spend under $20 this season (at the Dollar Store) didn't work.
I think I'm going to edit the STD site for the New Year. Nick's brother, Ray, is going to take a crack at editing the remaining stuff.
Monday, December 21, 2009
Fran Kranz
So, I was flipping through Hulu the other day, and I decided to watch Dollhouse just to see if it had improved in it's final five episodes. So, I was flipping through Hulu the other day, and I decided to watch Dollhouse just to see if it had improved in it's final five episodes.
Fran Kranz is a good actor. I've liked him ever since The TV Set. But his character... has the worst lines ever written. I get that he is supposed to be arrogant in his humor, but his complex, witty lines just are not witty. They are just complex. He's like the entire first season of Buffy, a season of one of Joss' shows that relied way too much on being clever (and, I believe, was partially the inspiration for Juno). But enough about that. I'm just cranky.
Fran Kranz is a good actor. I've liked him ever since The TV Set. But his character... has the worst lines ever written. I get that he is supposed to be arrogant in his humor, but his complex, witty lines just are not witty. They are just complex. He's like the entire first season of Buffy, a season of one of Joss' shows that relied way too much on being clever (and, I believe, was partially the inspiration for Juno). But enough about that. I'm just cranky.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Pray 4 Death nominated for Best Webcomic!
Pray 4 Death has been nominated for Comicmonsters.com's first ever horror comic contest! But Brian, you may ask, don't you have a thing against random, web-based awards that you have never mentioned before on this blog?
Yes.
But you are going to vote for this comic anyways.
Voting begins December 24th and ends on New Years Eve. Register, vote, and then celebrate by playing some Left 4 Dead!
Go! Go! Go!
Yes.
But you are going to vote for this comic anyways.
Voting begins December 24th and ends on New Years Eve. Register, vote, and then celebrate by playing some Left 4 Dead!
Go! Go! Go!
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Sunday, December 13, 2009
The Greaterest Screenwriting Tips You Will Ever Read
Over on his blog, evil non-Christmas worshipping Yuri Baranovsky has taken it upon himself to craft an entry proclaiming The Greatest Screenwriting Tips You Will Ever Read. Doesn't he know that hefty task should be left to Felicia Day, or J.J. Abrams, creator of Lost?
Or, you know, me?
Here is my response to Mr. Baranovsky. Nine tips that are five times better than his nine tips. These are The Greaterest Screenwriting Tips You Will Ever Read:
1) Writing is the #1 priority
You already have a lot of things in your head, so why should you have to worry about the things that happen around you, or in direct effect of what you do or do not do? Someone else will feed your pets, because quite simply, you come from a long and noble line of artists, and Robert Burns didn't take crap from anyone when he was locked in his study for six hours straight. He was perfecting his craft. It helps if you live with your parents. You need to be constantly perfecting your craft. Your stomach will let you know when it cannot function any longer without food. By this time, you may not be able to make the trek to the kitchen, but be strong and you will prevail.
2) Get Acclimated to Criticism
By this, I mean get used to criticism, and learn how to filter the good (praise) from the bad (anyone who says otherwise). The best place to do this is the internet. There are literally HUNDREDS of fanfiction sites out there for you to dangle your creative feet. I wouldn't suggest trying out slash fiction until you are more mature in your tastes. It's like Donkey Kong 2. You can't get to it without beating Donkey Kong. Remember: one of they key features in bad criticism is if the critic is older than you (watch out for college-age writers) or they use language that you deem inappropriate for proper criticism. True critics will always find something good about your work. It is their "job" to do so. Oh, one last thing: watch out for anyone in the industry. They are out to steal your ideas. Even the ones you don't have yet. To respond to this, go it alone at everything you do. Never accept advice from anyone who you think could help you get ahead in life (so you might want to stay away from Film School). The worst way to sell out is to achieve your dreams.
3) Torture your characters
Nothing moves a script along like violence, or some other form of unexpected drama. If it is happening to a character we like, the stakes raise considerably and you'll burn through those pages like a hot knife through butter. Find ways to utterly f*** up your characters lives. Maybe Timmy finds out that his 16-year old girlfriend is pregnant (you should definitely make Timmy at least five years older), or Lane gets kidnapped by Russian Terrorists - but it's really their long-long father, Osama Bin Laden, who has to beat them in order to find out where the diamonds he hid years ago are (you should definitely make Lane a female)! Hollywood was built on drama - no, really, Wikipedia the name Jack Warner. It's something that has never changed. When writing a script, who are you to change the status quo? I realize this may conflict with #2, but it really doesn't.
4) Cut all unnecessary chatter
Don't try to find what others have called "a writing space". Some may mask the fact that they subscribe to this by calling it "background movement" or "brain stimulation". The fact of the matter is that silence is golden. You don't need outside sources influencing your epic nature. You are a human being, and as such, have experienced every emotion known to mankind. You can call it up just like a computer opens a program. Even if you have to stare at the screen for an entire night while your parents sleep, it will be worth it. Van Gough cut off his own ear, do you really think he did that because he heard voices?
5) Don't Be Afraid To Erase Everything You've Written Thus Far
Writer's Block is your friend. It may sound stupid. But it is true. Writer's Block tells you a very important thing: that what you have just written is garbage. It's like when you die in a video game. You have to go back to the beginning of the level until you get it right. Trust me, if you have Writer's Block, then the story you have written is not the one you should of written, and your brain is finally playing catch up. Writing is very simple, and nobody wants to spend hours trying to make an unworkable scene work. If it is broken, don't even try to fix it. Just start over.
6) When Creativity Fails, Don't look for stimulation
When you go beyond Writer's Block and just can't possibly work on your script that day, chances are it will be the same tomorrow, or maybe even the entire week. In this case, you should probably play video games.
7) Don't write anything that is unrelated to your current project
This one should be a no-brainer. Why bother with fleeting ideas if they have nothing to do with your Werewolf Love Story? Focus is key. Without focus, how can you complete the great work of the 21st century? So put away all side ideas or concepts since they will only get in the way of what you set out to do on Tuesday. If someone comes to you with another project, turn them down even if it has a chance of going somewhere. You are in no position to be taking risks. Don't even think about writing down quick little quips here and there, as those are like Heroin. We all know where Heroin leads.
8) Do drugs
Lewis Carroll and David Mamet both did narcotics at least once in their respective lifetimes, and we know what literature came out of those adventures down the rabbit hole. As a writer, you owe it to yourself and your reader to write at least one work while stoned, high, or intoxicated. But remember that you'll need to make rewrites, so make sure to buy enough for multiple incidents of altered states.
9) Edit forever
A script is never done, especially when it's been worked on for ten years or when it has been produced on television. It is said that humans change their personalities every seven years. Consider those your "seven year drafts".
Fin.
Blackout.
Fade Out.
Whatever.
Or, you know, me?
Here is my response to Mr. Baranovsky. Nine tips that are five times better than his nine tips. These are The Greaterest Screenwriting Tips You Will Ever Read:
1) Writing is the #1 priority
You already have a lot of things in your head, so why should you have to worry about the things that happen around you, or in direct effect of what you do or do not do? Someone else will feed your pets, because quite simply, you come from a long and noble line of artists, and Robert Burns didn't take crap from anyone when he was locked in his study for six hours straight. He was perfecting his craft. It helps if you live with your parents. You need to be constantly perfecting your craft. Your stomach will let you know when it cannot function any longer without food. By this time, you may not be able to make the trek to the kitchen, but be strong and you will prevail.
2) Get Acclimated to Criticism
By this, I mean get used to criticism, and learn how to filter the good (praise) from the bad (anyone who says otherwise). The best place to do this is the internet. There are literally HUNDREDS of fanfiction sites out there for you to dangle your creative feet. I wouldn't suggest trying out slash fiction until you are more mature in your tastes. It's like Donkey Kong 2. You can't get to it without beating Donkey Kong. Remember: one of they key features in bad criticism is if the critic is older than you (watch out for college-age writers) or they use language that you deem inappropriate for proper criticism. True critics will always find something good about your work. It is their "job" to do so. Oh, one last thing: watch out for anyone in the industry. They are out to steal your ideas. Even the ones you don't have yet. To respond to this, go it alone at everything you do. Never accept advice from anyone who you think could help you get ahead in life (so you might want to stay away from Film School). The worst way to sell out is to achieve your dreams.
3) Torture your characters
Nothing moves a script along like violence, or some other form of unexpected drama. If it is happening to a character we like, the stakes raise considerably and you'll burn through those pages like a hot knife through butter. Find ways to utterly f*** up your characters lives. Maybe Timmy finds out that his 16-year old girlfriend is pregnant (you should definitely make Timmy at least five years older), or Lane gets kidnapped by Russian Terrorists - but it's really their long-long father, Osama Bin Laden, who has to beat them in order to find out where the diamonds he hid years ago are (you should definitely make Lane a female)! Hollywood was built on drama - no, really, Wikipedia the name Jack Warner. It's something that has never changed. When writing a script, who are you to change the status quo? I realize this may conflict with #2, but it really doesn't.
4) Cut all unnecessary chatter
Don't try to find what others have called "a writing space". Some may mask the fact that they subscribe to this by calling it "background movement" or "brain stimulation". The fact of the matter is that silence is golden. You don't need outside sources influencing your epic nature. You are a human being, and as such, have experienced every emotion known to mankind. You can call it up just like a computer opens a program. Even if you have to stare at the screen for an entire night while your parents sleep, it will be worth it. Van Gough cut off his own ear, do you really think he did that because he heard voices?
5) Don't Be Afraid To Erase Everything You've Written Thus Far
Writer's Block is your friend. It may sound stupid. But it is true. Writer's Block tells you a very important thing: that what you have just written is garbage. It's like when you die in a video game. You have to go back to the beginning of the level until you get it right. Trust me, if you have Writer's Block, then the story you have written is not the one you should of written, and your brain is finally playing catch up. Writing is very simple, and nobody wants to spend hours trying to make an unworkable scene work. If it is broken, don't even try to fix it. Just start over.
6) When Creativity Fails, Don't look for stimulation
When you go beyond Writer's Block and just can't possibly work on your script that day, chances are it will be the same tomorrow, or maybe even the entire week. In this case, you should probably play video games.
7) Don't write anything that is unrelated to your current project
This one should be a no-brainer. Why bother with fleeting ideas if they have nothing to do with your Werewolf Love Story? Focus is key. Without focus, how can you complete the great work of the 21st century? So put away all side ideas or concepts since they will only get in the way of what you set out to do on Tuesday. If someone comes to you with another project, turn them down even if it has a chance of going somewhere. You are in no position to be taking risks. Don't even think about writing down quick little quips here and there, as those are like Heroin. We all know where Heroin leads.
8) Do drugs
Lewis Carroll and David Mamet both did narcotics at least once in their respective lifetimes, and we know what literature came out of those adventures down the rabbit hole. As a writer, you owe it to yourself and your reader to write at least one work while stoned, high, or intoxicated. But remember that you'll need to make rewrites, so make sure to buy enough for multiple incidents of altered states.
9) Edit forever
A script is never done, especially when it's been worked on for ten years or when it has been produced on television. It is said that humans change their personalities every seven years. Consider those your "seven year drafts".
Fin.
Blackout.
Fade Out.
Whatever.
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Monday, December 7, 2009
Zuda: December 2009
This month, I'm finally doing away with the grading system. With the Star Chamber gone, there's no reason to remind myself what I'm going to grade for that system.
Villain by Gregory Smallwood
One of the best Page Eight Enders in a while. Not really a cliffhanger, but it definitely is a harbinger of things to come, plus it eases us in to the reveal of the final situation our "hero" is in. I was initially afraid that this would be a rehash of last month's Children of the Sewers, and that we would be stuck with a psycho that we cannot possibly feel for; but the writer does such a good job of explaining Shockwave's morality that it never gets that far. e don't exactly root for him, but we understand him. We don't exactly agree with his conclusions about right and wrong (because, come on, anyone that has gone through college-level psychology walks away with the idea that half of the founders of the science were overanalyzing jerks), but we get it. The art style also helps situate us into the world, slick and modern, yet not to over-the-top. I like how the superheroes are never fleshed out, only bantered with, fought, and referred to. It may risk losing votes due to the Salvation Run similarities, but I think it could retain even more.
Unseen Tribe by Luciano Vecchio
Honestly, I do not understand why people think it is okay to give the entire exposition in the synopsis. I really don't. What if you had to buy the cliff notes of Harry Potter in order to figure out who Voldemort was, or the Dursley family? I'm on Team Dursley, by the way. I love them. Out of every single character in the Potter franchise, the Dursley's are the most real in their ignorant and monotonous lives. But enough about Harry Potter. On to the Power Rangers webcomic. Because that's all this is: yet another Zuda entry that feels like a card game/RPG/popular pop culture thing. It's a giant insult to the intelligence of the reader. It's not even kid's comic material, it's just stupid, because we want to read amazing stories. We want to go places. To subject the reader to packaged and bottled marketing/idiot box rehash is... ugh. Yes, the art is bloody fantastic, but everything else is rather bland. The bad guy even grows into a larger, badder guy at the end. The characters are color-coded, and one hopes the reason is for something other than forgetting who is who. The dialogue is uber-lame. There's just nothing original about this guy, save for one of the powers being able to see the aura of nature.
Sub Suelo by Alfredo RodrÃguez & Gabriel RodrÃguez
There' a story here. A very good story. It's just marred by the pace of a cheetah when it feels like it should be paced like an ox. The dialogue is good, the script is good, it's just that the pace is horrible. The main character, Roman, also seems a bit too eager to fight what he can only imagine is a very scary gang member. This month so far is really great in the art department, with Sub Suelo being no exception. The entire concept of every character being able to use portals at will is fun, and it leads to one of the most awesome parts of the weird fight scene. Ultimately, though, this webcomic is hindered by its own want to tell a story.
Daemon's Sphere by Andrew Hartman
The silence makes it feel like Indiana Jones, the dialogue makes it feel like The X-Files. And Indiana Jones. There's the classic betrayal (mixed with an awesomely written dialogue twist), the post-reveal capture, the historical timeline, and even the "how is this connected?" weirdness on the other side of the world. The banter between our two heroes is fast paced and gives you a feel of who they are in relation to one another. Too bad the balloons themselves are semi-transparent. It rather threw me out of the webcomic a bit. It didn't look hip or cool, or even new. The idea of decoy booby traps was great. Like Indiana Jones (and The X-Files), I could see this going in all kinds of directions.
Mark Wolfchild by Li Shi Peng
This may be the first time that I feel the need to comment on a synopsis, but I do. Not only is it way too long, but some of the phrasing completely fried my brain. Reading the webcomic, I got why that was: they were treating the synopsis as it was an extension of the script. Which is possibly more a negative than ever. Anyhow. The script, in itself, up to the last few pages, is great. It's dry, it's informative, and we totally get who the main character is even before the real story begins. He's like Turner in the opening credits of Turner & Hooch. But then it ruins it by becoming some sort of J.J. Abrams spy thriller where shit just happens - and then more confusing shit just happens. As long as we've dived into the downsides, the art is static and bleeds in to itself. But the design of the world is very, very nice. To be honest, I want to see more, but I don't want to see any more. They should of just stuck with their streamlined, original plot instead of going down the rabbit hole of strangeness. Would of got my vote.
Jason and the Argonauts Redux by Barry Keegan
The title is horrible. If it wins, it needs a new one. Maybe something like Devil's Wake (bada ching). But seriously - I liked nothing about this comic. It's... Jason and the Argonauts... with robots. Okay. So? Why robots? Reading the synopsis, it doesn't explain this as I was thinking it might. It just repeats my question "why robots?"; which is a horrible cop-out. That's not a story. It does not make a tale - no matter how classic - worthy of being retold. If Keegan were trying to sell it as a Sci-Fi Original Series, it would sell instantly. Because holy crap, it's Jason and the Argonauts BUT WITH ROBOTS. When Kirkland was trying to sell The Walking Dead to Image, they initially would not buy it. Then he told them 'it's zombies - WITH ALIENS'. So that's why The Walking Dead is on stands today. Because of a lie to unimaginative people. Hopefully, Keegan does not think that the Zuda editors nor the readers of Zuda are idiots. I would gladly read a Jason story if it were well written and kept my imagination. But this does neither. It simply has robots.
The House Always Wins by Josh Hechinger & John Bivens
The synopsis sounds brilliant. Ty Pennington versus a haunted house. But we don't actually get any of it in the eight pages given. Sure, the eight pages set up the paranormal investigators real well, but is there some reason why this couldn't of been done parallel to the actual plot? Flashbacks as we meet the crew? Although, the concept of defeating a TV Ghost by destroying the TV is a thing of pure beauty. The art is magnificent, as is the characterization and the dialogue. The age of parody is upon us, what with 30 Rock both redefining and deconstructing the very concept of how television works, and Ghost Hunters being Ghost Hunters. Everyone wants in. The House Aways Wins (a truly great title) feels like the perfect parody: taking itself seriously while at the same time not caring about appearances at all. It is very rare to get a hold of both worlds, and House may have it. They just need to show more of what they want to do, and hopefully not in the way Dollhouse Season 2 is.
One Hit Knock Out by Maximo V. Lorenzo
Art is bland. The design of the "Power Glove" - being an actual Power Glove - is cute. Everything else, not so much. I really did not like how the dialogue and the panels were laid out in the middle of the webcomic. It makes an already disjointed fight scene feel all the more screwed up. William seems like just another stock villain given a black overcoat in order to make us feel like we already know him. Besides the Power Glove, the only other side I liked was the comment about "I'm not listening to you, you read so-and-so comic". That felt very real. But the rest was nothing special.
Goop Jr. by Mike Robinson
Michigan is a great and overlooked setting for any story, fantasy or otherwise. It is amazingly diverse in its seasons and landscape. Its historical significance dates back to the American Revolution. Oh, and it apparently has bigfoot. This webcomic is filled with ideas. Bigfoot is not the enemy, he just is the carrier. Two of his boogers gain life, pushed out by this disease, and have to stop their very father. Teaming up with humans is always fun, and it is of course a father and son team. So it really bothered me that the dialogue and script were so very lame. It quite simply did not know what it wanted to be. A gag strip, a comedy-adventure, or a comedy-epic. The best page was the one where Goop Jr. reacts to Goop Sr. getting hit by a car. We all know he is going to survive due to his viscous nature, but the simple and yet horrified question from Goop Jr. of "... dad?" is wonderful. Too bad the rest of it is all fluff.
Ayanna by Wai Kwong Chan
The... eyes... in this thing.... are going to give me nightmares. They just roll around in the sockets. Typo on the first page. Bad grammar. My mind hurts. I just didn't understand any of what was going on. It just started happening. And now she gets a spear! And now the lizard-men look into her mind! This strip says 'Sunday Comic' to me, which is not really a good thing. If there was any kind of exposition, this would of been a little better. All of it. But sadly, there is nothing to push the reader into the story.
Villain by Gregory Smallwood
One of the best Page Eight Enders in a while. Not really a cliffhanger, but it definitely is a harbinger of things to come, plus it eases us in to the reveal of the final situation our "hero" is in. I was initially afraid that this would be a rehash of last month's Children of the Sewers, and that we would be stuck with a psycho that we cannot possibly feel for; but the writer does such a good job of explaining Shockwave's morality that it never gets that far. e don't exactly root for him, but we understand him. We don't exactly agree with his conclusions about right and wrong (because, come on, anyone that has gone through college-level psychology walks away with the idea that half of the founders of the science were overanalyzing jerks), but we get it. The art style also helps situate us into the world, slick and modern, yet not to over-the-top. I like how the superheroes are never fleshed out, only bantered with, fought, and referred to. It may risk losing votes due to the Salvation Run similarities, but I think it could retain even more.
Unseen Tribe by Luciano Vecchio
Honestly, I do not understand why people think it is okay to give the entire exposition in the synopsis. I really don't. What if you had to buy the cliff notes of Harry Potter in order to figure out who Voldemort was, or the Dursley family? I'm on Team Dursley, by the way. I love them. Out of every single character in the Potter franchise, the Dursley's are the most real in their ignorant and monotonous lives. But enough about Harry Potter. On to the Power Rangers webcomic. Because that's all this is: yet another Zuda entry that feels like a card game/RPG/popular pop culture thing. It's a giant insult to the intelligence of the reader. It's not even kid's comic material, it's just stupid, because we want to read amazing stories. We want to go places. To subject the reader to packaged and bottled marketing/idiot box rehash is... ugh. Yes, the art is bloody fantastic, but everything else is rather bland. The bad guy even grows into a larger, badder guy at the end. The characters are color-coded, and one hopes the reason is for something other than forgetting who is who. The dialogue is uber-lame. There's just nothing original about this guy, save for one of the powers being able to see the aura of nature.
Sub Suelo by Alfredo RodrÃguez & Gabriel RodrÃguez
There' a story here. A very good story. It's just marred by the pace of a cheetah when it feels like it should be paced like an ox. The dialogue is good, the script is good, it's just that the pace is horrible. The main character, Roman, also seems a bit too eager to fight what he can only imagine is a very scary gang member. This month so far is really great in the art department, with Sub Suelo being no exception. The entire concept of every character being able to use portals at will is fun, and it leads to one of the most awesome parts of the weird fight scene. Ultimately, though, this webcomic is hindered by its own want to tell a story.
Daemon's Sphere by Andrew Hartman
The silence makes it feel like Indiana Jones, the dialogue makes it feel like The X-Files. And Indiana Jones. There's the classic betrayal (mixed with an awesomely written dialogue twist), the post-reveal capture, the historical timeline, and even the "how is this connected?" weirdness on the other side of the world. The banter between our two heroes is fast paced and gives you a feel of who they are in relation to one another. Too bad the balloons themselves are semi-transparent. It rather threw me out of the webcomic a bit. It didn't look hip or cool, or even new. The idea of decoy booby traps was great. Like Indiana Jones (and The X-Files), I could see this going in all kinds of directions.
Mark Wolfchild by Li Shi Peng
This may be the first time that I feel the need to comment on a synopsis, but I do. Not only is it way too long, but some of the phrasing completely fried my brain. Reading the webcomic, I got why that was: they were treating the synopsis as it was an extension of the script. Which is possibly more a negative than ever. Anyhow. The script, in itself, up to the last few pages, is great. It's dry, it's informative, and we totally get who the main character is even before the real story begins. He's like Turner in the opening credits of Turner & Hooch. But then it ruins it by becoming some sort of J.J. Abrams spy thriller where shit just happens - and then more confusing shit just happens. As long as we've dived into the downsides, the art is static and bleeds in to itself. But the design of the world is very, very nice. To be honest, I want to see more, but I don't want to see any more. They should of just stuck with their streamlined, original plot instead of going down the rabbit hole of strangeness. Would of got my vote.
Jason and the Argonauts Redux by Barry Keegan
The title is horrible. If it wins, it needs a new one. Maybe something like Devil's Wake (bada ching). But seriously - I liked nothing about this comic. It's... Jason and the Argonauts... with robots. Okay. So? Why robots? Reading the synopsis, it doesn't explain this as I was thinking it might. It just repeats my question "why robots?"; which is a horrible cop-out. That's not a story. It does not make a tale - no matter how classic - worthy of being retold. If Keegan were trying to sell it as a Sci-Fi Original Series, it would sell instantly. Because holy crap, it's Jason and the Argonauts BUT WITH ROBOTS. When Kirkland was trying to sell The Walking Dead to Image, they initially would not buy it. Then he told them 'it's zombies - WITH ALIENS'. So that's why The Walking Dead is on stands today. Because of a lie to unimaginative people. Hopefully, Keegan does not think that the Zuda editors nor the readers of Zuda are idiots. I would gladly read a Jason story if it were well written and kept my imagination. But this does neither. It simply has robots.
The House Always Wins by Josh Hechinger & John Bivens
The synopsis sounds brilliant. Ty Pennington versus a haunted house. But we don't actually get any of it in the eight pages given. Sure, the eight pages set up the paranormal investigators real well, but is there some reason why this couldn't of been done parallel to the actual plot? Flashbacks as we meet the crew? Although, the concept of defeating a TV Ghost by destroying the TV is a thing of pure beauty. The art is magnificent, as is the characterization and the dialogue. The age of parody is upon us, what with 30 Rock both redefining and deconstructing the very concept of how television works, and Ghost Hunters being Ghost Hunters. Everyone wants in. The House Aways Wins (a truly great title) feels like the perfect parody: taking itself seriously while at the same time not caring about appearances at all. It is very rare to get a hold of both worlds, and House may have it. They just need to show more of what they want to do, and hopefully not in the way Dollhouse Season 2 is.
One Hit Knock Out by Maximo V. Lorenzo
Art is bland. The design of the "Power Glove" - being an actual Power Glove - is cute. Everything else, not so much. I really did not like how the dialogue and the panels were laid out in the middle of the webcomic. It makes an already disjointed fight scene feel all the more screwed up. William seems like just another stock villain given a black overcoat in order to make us feel like we already know him. Besides the Power Glove, the only other side I liked was the comment about "I'm not listening to you, you read so-and-so comic". That felt very real. But the rest was nothing special.
Goop Jr. by Mike Robinson
Michigan is a great and overlooked setting for any story, fantasy or otherwise. It is amazingly diverse in its seasons and landscape. Its historical significance dates back to the American Revolution. Oh, and it apparently has bigfoot. This webcomic is filled with ideas. Bigfoot is not the enemy, he just is the carrier. Two of his boogers gain life, pushed out by this disease, and have to stop their very father. Teaming up with humans is always fun, and it is of course a father and son team. So it really bothered me that the dialogue and script were so very lame. It quite simply did not know what it wanted to be. A gag strip, a comedy-adventure, or a comedy-epic. The best page was the one where Goop Jr. reacts to Goop Sr. getting hit by a car. We all know he is going to survive due to his viscous nature, but the simple and yet horrified question from Goop Jr. of "... dad?" is wonderful. Too bad the rest of it is all fluff.
Ayanna by Wai Kwong Chan
The... eyes... in this thing.... are going to give me nightmares. They just roll around in the sockets. Typo on the first page. Bad grammar. My mind hurts. I just didn't understand any of what was going on. It just started happening. And now she gets a spear! And now the lizard-men look into her mind! This strip says 'Sunday Comic' to me, which is not really a good thing. If there was any kind of exposition, this would of been a little better. All of it. But sadly, there is nothing to push the reader into the story.
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